Who is that?

Some days I look in the mirror and don't recognize the person I have become. My life is so far from where it started and where I ever imagined it would be. I'm not necessarily unhappy, I just never in my wildest dreams would have pictured me here, in this life, in this body, in this mind. I spend a lot of time thinking of what I used to do. I was a business professional and I loved my job. I gained so much knowledge and experience and could have gone really far had I stayed. Sometimes I feel like I closed a door and there are no windows and now I am suffocating from the lack of opportunity and excitement.

I usually think about how 21 year old me would scoff at the older me of today. I am comfortable, but comfort has never really suited me. I live for stress, for problem solving, for making things happen and when I don't have those outlets my brain gets jumbled and I get sloggy and it's not pretty. I turn into super bitch and start stressing over stupid things because I strive on stress. Although stressing over doing dishes and folding laundry and then I get depressed that this is what my life has become. I sabotage happy moments and relaxing days because I cannot get outside of my own head. It's sad really, all this drama and stress I try to create for myself just to keep my sanity. My mind races at what I could be doing, how I should be more motivated, how I should be making a difference in the world instead of sitting at a 2 foot high table painting shapes with my daughter.

Then I realize that I don't want to be anywhere else, that I don't want anyone else spending this time with her, and that I am making a difference and that the rest of the world can suck it, because dirty dishes and piles of laundry can be stressful to me and if I can conquer Mount Underwear, I can do anything.