Who is that?

Some days I look in the mirror and don't recognize the person I have become. My life is so far from where it started and where I ever imagined it would be. I'm not necessarily unhappy, I just never in my wildest dreams would have pictured me here, in this life, in this body, in this mind. I spend a lot of time thinking of what I used to do. I was a business professional and I loved my job. I gained so much knowledge and experience and could have gone really far had I stayed. Sometimes I feel like I closed a door and there are no windows and now I am suffocating from the lack of opportunity and excitement.

I usually think about how 21 year old me would scoff at the older me of today. I am comfortable, but comfort has never really suited me. I live for stress, for problem solving, for making things happen and when I don't have those outlets my brain gets jumbled and I get sloggy and it's not pretty. I turn into super bitch and start stressing over stupid things because I strive on stress. Although stressing over doing dishes and folding laundry and then I get depressed that this is what my life has become. I sabotage happy moments and relaxing days because I cannot get outside of my own head. It's sad really, all this drama and stress I try to create for myself just to keep my sanity. My mind races at what I could be doing, how I should be more motivated, how I should be making a difference in the world instead of sitting at a 2 foot high table painting shapes with my daughter.

Then I realize that I don't want to be anywhere else, that I don't want anyone else spending this time with her, and that I am making a difference and that the rest of the world can suck it, because dirty dishes and piles of laundry can be stressful to me and if I can conquer Mount Underwear, I can do anything.

Why a kitty and why is it in the city?

Once upon a time ago, in a life that seems so far from here I worked for a woman named Kitty in a womens lingerie shop. I loved how it kind of almost made us just like a strip club with the panties and lace and thigh highs but without requiring employees to expose their vaginas. It's always kind of stuck with me that it really was somebody's name and she didn't end up in a strip club...her name opened other doors for her, allowing her to sell women's panties. Just proof that when I name my child Bambi, I'm not setting her up for stripping, she can sell flavored sex lube too. It's good to have goals for your children and to give them options.

The city part comes from my deepest desire to live in a big city and walk to get groceries and ride public transportation and not need a car, and all that fabulousness that living in a walk-up in a big bustling city allows. Except when it rains. Or snows. Or is too hot and my face will get all melty. Then I might want a car. So scratch that, I don't want to live in a city because I think it might kind of suck now and I didn't think about carrying groceries and I don't eat sushi so I would be limited on my dining out options. Of course this is all based on my TV and movie daydreams of city life. I have no freaking clue what living in the city would be like, and now I think I would hate it. Cities suck. I'll live in the country, except the country smells like cow shit so I guess I'll have to colonize the moon.

You know what, Kitty in the City is a stupid name for a blog because now I've talked myself out of living in the city and there isn't even a damn kitty. I'm allergic to cats too so there'll never be a kitty even if I move to the city.

Thank God this shit is free.